i'm prepared to flunk all my prelims...
whenever i see the papers, my head just blanks out.
sighh...

today when i went home around 6++, i thought i would get some peace after having such a roller coaster day.
but i was super wrong.
she was being so mean.
it's no wonder i never want to go home lately.
she never understands.
she's never home.
i'm tired of eating packed food...
i want some home cooked food...
i really admire my friends whose parents cook for them for most days...
i keep telling them they should be grateful for it.
but i guess they will never understand.
they are so lucky...
i want the "her" that i know when i was in kindergarden...

the way she treats me....
makes me want to give up on my prelims...
just make me wanna forget about it and just flunk my prelims...
i don't even know why i study so hard...
she doesn't even see it.
she only know how to say that i never study.
she make me want to cry right now...
all of this makes ITE not such a bad place to end up to if i fail my Os...

i feel like dying.
someone just kill me.
strangle me just like the way my dear did.
trying to kill me on the bus cos it was so crowded.
putting his arm over my neck.
i thought i was gonna die.
but i didn't mind saying goodbye to the world anyway.

i feel like i'm really disappointing you...
i want to say i'm sorry.
but the words are getting hard to come out...
i think i might end up letting you down...
i'm losing hope.
i feel like i've really lost so much...
i can't afford to lose you too.
but i feel like we're drifting apart...
i'm afraid i won't recognize you.
you always seem to be ahead of me.

as for YOU...
i'm really hate myself for YOU.
YOU made me lose so much loved ones.
because of YOU i lost the people that really loved me.
but i kept pushing them away.
denying myself the right to like them....
i hate myself for that.
why was i ever so blind??
to even like YOU...
to think YOU will really like me so that much...
at the end of the day....
lies is all i see in my life....